The right track to go with the day.

This is a like post. Not a like, like the facebook kind of like. But a like, like the comparison of two things similar in meaning. A like of two truths like irony staring right in your face.


I haven't been here in awhile like my french application that took a status of hiatus because I had no money.
But it hasn't been that long like the interval between rains in singapore. Yet it has felt like an eternity like two empty days in eternal loneliness.


This is a post like the jellybean box i just finished. A post about the pieces in my life that have been going on, are going on, have past. Things i've forgotten about or have been too important to waste on a single post, yet like the chinese calligraphy and the selling of Chinese new year decorations, are too important to be on a single post that will be ignored by masses.


Like a mouse that misses it's cheese. I miss awkwardness. Pure sensible awkwardness that mean a lot of things in the absence of its own melody. Mice don't really eat cheese do they. Only the whitest and luckiest mouse like the touch of fresh snow and the taste of falling snowflakes get to eat cheese. I would know, I've tasted snowflakes. But only in the purest sense of mind, with a broken leg.


Like the apple pie i baked the other day, like the movies i watched and like the tears i cried, I've been feeling the most energy i've felt in forever. But with holes. Loopholes if you might call it. Based on a concrete evidence of knowing something that's been missing, but evidently and purposely evading and avoiding it. As such, I've as of now, found myself stuck one foot in, like stepping through thin ice and finding a hole with your Ugged feet, a fish buried at the utmost end.


If there seems to be no end to your confusion like the mysteries of the Bermuda Triangle. I beg you to garner all your courage and all your heart and all your love that you have ever felt for me; like the love you've felt for a person good enough you wanted to save; and call me.


I have a bladder that's as erratic as singapore's rain. A period that accentuates my pee times. By accentuate i mean of course shorten like the shorter days, and shorter sleeptime in winter.


Muscle spasms. Like stroke.
I have tremendous muscle spasms that result in my arms being paralysed like a degeneration of a young body destroyed by second-hand smoke. In such dark times, a simple movement leaves me stoned for a half hour with a face that pretends to be in deep thought but a mind that is forever screaming "help me". Like the cake my sister ruined with frozen milk and baked. "help me." God save the raspberry-pandan butter sponge.


Definitely, maybe. Like the Kama Sutra.
A love guru type of movie that brings so many levels of heart-tugging and almost-epiphany moments. The complexity and development of the characters. The information that  we'll always be a little bit in love with someone else while we are still in love. The circle life of love itself. All like the great feeling you get when you find the right track to go with the day.
Again, proof of how music can reveal the tiniest things in life with SO MUCH truth. (like the facebook pages of little ticks of human psychology- the internet sociology experiment that actually worked despite how annoying it was)


Becoming Jane like finding the lost pain of the lost love with the still-there qualities.


Like my French application which took a hiatus cause i did not receive my visa letter. Like the signing up of my international health student insurance. Like the final confirmation of my acceptance because i wrote a letter that killed and pulled at heart strings like the "sutra" in Kama-Sutra. Like the pink pills that's supposed to make my heart beat slower and my hands stop shaking,  I find myself suddenly scared.


Like the worry that envelopes you when you finally get what you want and you wonder if that's what's really going to make you happy.


Like the mid-life crisis that leaves you all alone while everyone else operates like the seams of New York City.


Like this eternal abandonment I'm feeling.


Like this dark place I'm going.


Like the shiny knife short enough to go right through.


Like the loneliness I expect to find..


Like the empty stomach with no parents.


Like the pills i'm a slave to everyday, that's supposed to improve my life, and take away my pain


I have been accepted to the Ecole Nationale Supérieure de la Pâtisserie, En France. I will be leaving my life behind on the 30th of March 2011. I have spent a year in transit. I have spent a long time feeling happy. I have spent a longer time feeling sad. I have spent an eternity making everyone wait for me. I have spent a lifetime procrastinating and growing old. I have been to hell and come back. 


I have been ungrateful. Like the bird that would rather die than be trapped in the cage of life but the cage of lost freedom.