why does the heart hurt so bad. in that case, i'd rather give it back and not have a heart at all. here take it. i mean it.

Just fought with my mom about not treating me with respect. About embarrassing me. But not even in a way that a parent does something embarrassing. But by merely ridiculing me in front of others, my family and strangers. After which ensued a mild public battle. Which involved a lot, a hell lot of cursing. and swearing. and cursing. Obviously not in public, in my head cause otherwise i would be arrested by now, possible taken into the Police for disrespect and ill-treating of my mother. After which i decided i would rather die than be dependent on her. As soon as that thought came into my head, (as well as a few other crazy unreasonable thoughts i.e fuck off and that im fat and singapore is so small i could walk the whole island and come back in a day.) the thought of WALKING HOME came into my head as well. I dont know exactly what possessed me to be so stubborn and excessive. Its not like i had no money and that i couldnt take a bus. I guess part of me wanted to punish myself. I wanted to feel hot and tired so i could stop thinking about the pain inside my heart or cry on the road cause that was the least embarrassing thing i could think of in my temper tantrum. Or at least i just didnt want to cry on the bus with everyone looking. Not a too bad idea. except that tears were literally pouring like a thunderstorm down my face early on in my walking journey. (which was not supposed to happen) Ideally i was supposed to reach the last stretch of road before i started crying because that street was solely isolated. And so, i had a lot of strange looks from a lot of strange people. Including this guy that kept nodding me to come over and when i just hurriedly walked past him in ignorance he shouted "where you going" which blatantly knocked my calm exterior and i just walked so fast i was close to running. Anyway, what i didnt realise was how hot it was. And if walking home (nearly 3km i kid you not) did not make me lose weight, im going to join circuit 25. I mean i could feel the leather on my bag melting, my legs wet in my jeans, and my sunglasses kept sliding down my face cause of my tears or sweat... or tears. I believe i deserved though. but anyway i got punished.