You know sometimes you get to a point in your life when you dont feel so alive anymore.
(Something's gonna happen. Something that i dont want to happen. Never would wish it upon anyone.)
And then halfway through a birthday, a wedding, a dinner, a prayer, you get the feeling that you've been so caught up in being alive, in living a life, you forget what it really means to have a life. You forget the people you live your life for, the people you live your dreams for, and the people who would do anything for you. 


I miss my mom. I miss her everyday even though i've spent most of my life with her. Because I didnt. I didnt take chances with her. I didnt love her enough. I dont tell her about my day. I dont. I dont let her into my life. I don't spend enough time with her. And when something bad happens we either scream at eachother or stop talking or evade the whole issue altogether until it feels alright to talk again. I dont allow her to be a mother to me. But she's the greatest mom ever to me. I love her so so so so so much. And i dont appreciate her enough. I feel like i have to remind myself everyday how grateful i am and how lucky i am. I feel like i have to remind myself everyday that she is such a big big big part of my whole life, the reason why im alive, the reason why i want to be alive, the reason i would live my dreams for and do anything for her. I love you mommy <3